The Lost Post
...hopefully only lost in transit...
Wednesday
Knitters may empathise with the fact I mailed this over two weeks ago and no sign at the other end. The official missing parcel form of complaint has been filled and left with the man with the pencil behind his ear in the relevant office, but odd that it hasn't come back...
As I said, though, hopefully only lost.
Friday
On clearing out a purse, I saw that I sent the wrong post office receipt in with my lost parcel form. I called up to say sorry for the confusion and time wasted, but I was now rushing to bring the right one in.....
"Hold on a moment, please", said the man, polite but firm and a long, unstressed pause on the line began as he set in train investigations to locate my case... I only knew he was still there because of his calm, regular, audible breathing.
Presently he enquired, "When exactly did you drop in the form?" in the kind of thirty-a-day voice you don't often hear these days, and of a tone instantly identifiable with a will to leave no stone unturned in any quest to fully deal with a matter-in-hand. So I mentally tuned down an awful lot, because if you get too sparky with a tone like this, you'll be very sorry. When I was a child, the world was populated by these guys.
So I replied, equally unhurriedly. "Delivered by hand. Just two days ago".
"By hand", he repeated... "but two days...: there's your problem: it takes four to register on the system. You're not even here yet. Your best bet is to wait till you get your card in the post giving you your case number. When that arrives, write in, quoting your case number, and explain your predicament".
"Thank you", I said. "Em. By the way, do things often go missing? It's been well over two weeks"
"No, we don't generally get much back from there, no. Mind you, if it's a parcel there could be a matter of Internal Security involved. Was there a return address on the parcel?"
"Yes"
"Clearly marked?", severity was discernible.
"In black indelible marker! Both addressee and sender! Very clearly marked!", I replied indignantly.
Another silence.
Then I asked, "In your opinion, is this item lost permanently, or could it take this long to make its way back?"
"Oh, more than my job's worth to state any personal view without the facts, but indeed it could, Ma'am, indeed it could. They post it the long way round to save themselves the money. That can be a very time consuming scenario".
* * *
A week later
I traveled to visit my son for his birthday with a bought sweater and that's when the acknowledgement letter finally showed up back home. When I got back I called once more - this time with my case number - to eliminate any confusion over the wrong receipt.
A new upbeat guy at the other end of the line had me right up on screen in seconds.."Karen, isn't it?", he asked and mentioned the destination address too
"Yes", I replied sourly... "Only it never got there. Or back here either for that matter".
"That's right!", great mood undeterred.
“Well I thought I should make sure you had the right information"
"Won't make much difference, but we'll put it in anyway!!", he said merrily.
"What?! What are my chances? Your colleague said it might take a long time but maybe eventually..."
“Not much, to be honest!”, he replied with a philosophical chuckle.
“But it was hand knit”, I said. “Hand knit by me…Pretty much irreplaceable!”.
“Oh I know!” and his upbeat was not without kindness. “My own wife is currently up to her eyes in festive knitting... a cowl on needles the size of oars…size 16, she tells me..” and he seemed to fall about with mirth at the concept.
“But where does that leave my son’s sweater?”
“Sent it on the twenty-ninth?!” he observed, calming down. “Not looking so good I'm afraid, not so good!”